Too sleepless to sleep.
I’m too tired to think
Wondering through the shallow end,
but still lower I sink.
emotional moon fucker, let me go.
my heart fell out of my chest. but i picked it back up and put it into place without dusting it off. i can feel all the gravel inside me. it’s in my blood, on my tongue, grinding my teeth. i needed your voice again tonight. i almost didn’t want to say so, and maybe i still dont, but im saying it. i meant it when I told you how i felt about you, even with all the dirt and rocks and filth inside me, i meant it.
these pages have been cutting down the layers on my fingers ever since. it’s easier to think everything around me is scripted, played out, written down with a frantic hand, towards an already finished ending. every word and motion between here and there is just moving forward, twisted up and wrinkled with stupid, pointless imagery. useless soliloquies and character development filling up the bindings. i’m just waiting for the climax. i’m just waiting for my organs to come apart atom by atom and sentence by sentence. so i can flutter away like torn up pages and sleep where i want in any amount of garbage and dirt. at least i imagine my life this way. if i consider the plot structure for too long i can’t decide weather i’m the protagonist in this story or not. i’m just frantically flipping pages, cutting deeper into my skin, trying to prove i’m not.
i’m so tired, i’m too tired to sleep. i’m so hungry. i’m too hungry to even eat. i’m so sad. i’m too sad to even cry. i’m so happy. i’m too happy to even smile. i’m just too much of everything.
i don’t ever want to fall in love.
i miss sleeping in your bed. and i miss holding you and feeling you breathe against me. i miss it every night. i feel so alone in my own covers. i pretend that my blankets are your arms, and my pillows are your chest but even then, i think it makes me feel even more lonely, though. because they are not you, and i always remind myself.
(in my side)
(in my back)
broken up arrows
(in my eyes)
broken up arrows
(through my heart)
i just want to drink wine and lay in my bed while someone holds me and lets me cry into their chest. im tired.
i like people more when i find out they don’t like me.
i fingered a girl in my grandmothers swimming pool when i was eleven. she lived near by. i don’t remember her name. that is my biggest secret.
i dreamt about getting lost in this house. the house belonged to one of my friends fathers who passed away a few years ago, when he fell asleep in the snow outside of his apartment, and they found him frozen laying out on the yard once the seasons changed and the layers of snow covering his body had melted. this person i’ve been kinda dating for the past few weeks found me and showed me the way out, and outside was this little graveyard near my aunts house i went to when i was a kid, it was snowing. the end.what was your last dream about? asked by Anonymous
spitting out stupid shit.
Sup?Beautiful girl. asked by Anonymous